Holding onto Love

I've been inspired to write, to start a blog. I always put it off, the fear of adding one more thing on the to-do list discourages me. The tasks of the day, washing dishes, folding laundry, tidying the house, cooking, grocery shopping, spending time with the kids, and planning playdates, are too time-consuming to think of ever having time to sit and write. I often “write” in my head, thinking of what I would say, if I had the time to sit. But tonight is different, so here I sit, reminiscing about my day.

This evening I nursed my baby to sleep. After diapering him, putting on his pajamas, and zipping up his sleep sack, I took him to my bed and laid down with him. He cuddles next to me, I pull the covers over us, and he nurses. It's so sweet, so intimate, so calming. Both of us enjoying the closeness of the other. And then I realize that I'm not a “touchy” person at all. Touch is not one of my love languages. I appreciate a nice hug from a friend or loved one, but I don't thrive on physical contact with others. However, with my children, it's different. I feel that I can never hold them long enough, or close enough. The minute I corral them in my arms, they're breaking free and running off to the next thing. My boys are so full of energy, so full of life, that to sit and cuddle for any length of time is unusual...except for at night. It is during that before-bed feeding that my 18 month old will nurse until he falls asleep.

I am usually the only one that gets to appreciate this closeness. However, the other day William was only wearing a diaper and Donnie, also shirtless, got to hold him for a few minutes. William was content in his Daddy's embrace, he didn't try to escape, and both father and son enjoyed that skin-to-skin closeness and warmth . “I love this little guy,” Donnie said in a sweet soft voice. In that moment, Donnie got to experience that closeness as well.

I want to cherish these moments with our kids, because they grow up so fast. There will be a day when William doesn't want to be held so close, or when it doesn't feel right to nurse him. But, until then, I will cherish each moment. 

And then I think of my Heavenly Father, and how he longs for me to stop running around for just a minute or two, stop being so busy, and let him hold me and love me.